i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
