I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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