Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
