My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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