Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
