we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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