apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
