I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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