Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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