it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
