my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize