Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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