people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
