i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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