I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
