We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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