she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
