I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
