I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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