I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
