let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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