If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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