Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
