I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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