i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
