Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
