i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There's even glitter on my cock...
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