You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
