he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
