i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
