I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize