my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That's intense
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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