I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
