Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
