Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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