I got her a Nickelback box set.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
