OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just googled if crying burns calories
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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