the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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