I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
