did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
