a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
