i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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