im drinking this country out of the recession.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
