he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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