Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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