the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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