You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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