i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
