I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
