32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize