How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
