We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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