I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
