The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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