So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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