First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
