Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize