I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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