So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize