I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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