Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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