What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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