Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
