i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
