ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
