AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize