We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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